Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A bubblegum to chew upon.

Excerpt from Preeti Shenoy's 34 Bubblegums and Candies:

I remember feeling alone. For days, I could not sleep. Each day when I woke up, the first thought that would occur to me was that my dad is no more - and it was like someone had slapped me hard. I would often break down and my kids and husband got very used to it. I didn't feel like going anywhere, yet, I so badly wanted to talk about it to people.

People don't know how to respond when someone talks about death. There is usually an uncomfortable silence. Most people don't even want to hear. That was a shattering discovery that I made. Till then, I had had so many friends - I was jovial, funny, smart and great fun to be with. But when this happened, people were seeing a different side of me for the first time - they saw my tears, they saw my pain - and I was totally broken when I discovered that people who usually talked to me were now avoiding me completely. One friend told me, "I am not ready to talk about this. Please don't tell me anything". I could not believe it. This was a friend I used to chat with, laugh with and have hours of fun, when things were fine. For the first time, I realized what a naïve fool I had been. People wanted me only because I was a source of amusement, an entertainment to them - not because they really cared. For the very first time in life, I realized that not everyone who laughs with you is a friend.

I remember waking up and functioning like a zombie, sending my kids to school and after my husband left to work, I would log into the Internet, desperately wanting to talk to someone about my pain. Most of my friends said things like 'You will get over it'. 'May his soul rest in peace' and 'At least he did not have to suffer'. Then they clammed up and suddenly went offline. Laugh and others laugh with you; Cry and you cry alone. I was rapidly discovering that this much-used idiom is indeed true.



 .. And before I knew what this bubblegum was doing to me, tears were rolling down my cheeks.

2 comments:

  1. AmrithachandramouliMarch 10, 2012 at 10:39 AM

    All I can say here after seeing the storm is "wait patiently for the rainbow to appear" and it will :)

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  2. Thanks Amzu. I can safely say that I've crossed the storm. The reason I posted this was because I discovered that it was stunningly close to what it was in real life, about two years back. I can relate to Preeti's experience here because I felt the same rejection and isolation at that point of time.

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