Sunday, April 6, 2014

Womance. With a Capital W.

This is a sticky topic. And I’m wondering where to start with. *Initial writer's block*

Mills & Boon is one of the best seller romance novels in the history of time. That’s a fact. The Twilight Saga is supposed to be a somewhat similar love story narrated along a different line. I’ve read neither of these books. And I’ve always wondered what is it about them which make women go gaga over them! This post will explore a few narration styles adopted in these so-called “Romance novels”. This blog is supposed to be decent space, where I don’t write away nonsense. But for once, for the very happiness of entertaining my thoughts – the rule goes down the drain! Buck up and enjoy the joyride, people! :-p

Ever wondered WHY women are so drawn towards Womantic novels? Yes, you read that right. Womance. With a capital W. Not Romance. Is it a girly thing? Is it because women are secretly fond of a parallel portrayal of their lives? Hahaha! In that case, I’m totally blind to miss the connection between reality and expectations. So yes, to understand better – I did some ground reading yesterday on some of these cheesy romance novels. The discoveries are quite..Interesting! The protagonist in these tales is ALWAYS a woman. Tall, lean, smoky doe-shaped eyes, curves to kill for, intelligent, sassy, sex siren. She’s an hourglass figure of perfection. She has the wit and charm to disband anyone. Our leading lady has a great job, she is the life and soul of parties that she attends, she even owns an apartment god-damn-it. YET. YET. YET. There’s no love in her life. No prince, no knight in shining armour. So our lady goes about her routine life until one day, the guy arrives in the scene.

They meet – inside the office lift, or a park, or while attending a funeral, or wherever you think it’s least possible to meet the guy of your dreams. Here are some descriptions of the guy, as these writers put it:

“She turned her gaze to Rafe. He looked like six feet three inches of sexual fantasy, lying there in the firelight. From his lean, muscular body to his amber eyes, he was the perfect blend of GQ cover model human and untamed wolf. On this night, the eve of the full moon, most Weres were in partially shifted form, herself and Rafe included. It only served to enhance his magnetism.”

–  Arctic Heat, by Alecia Monaco

Brilliant, isn’t it? The guy is ALWAYS some six-feet, tall, burly, muscular guy with a hobby of playing some sports. And seriously, an untamed wolf? Uhh.. I’m not saying anything. :-D

Here’s another gem of a description:

“Tall, blond, and handsome, he had been a major football star and had been recently hired by the Network.”

-          –  Kaleidoscope, by Danielle Steel.

I told you! Inadvertly, our male protagonist is always some sports star, with a 6 ft chiselled body to die for, and he has well cut features and a strong square jaw. God knows whatever that is. I’ve never noticed THIS much while seeing a guy. He dresses impeccably, and you’re left wondering how he has the time for office, to play sports and his timely dedication to maintain his body like a Mr. India model. :-D Ok, so destiny blows down on this bloke too. Six pack abs, booming voice, great sense of humour, suave and kind. YET. There’s no girlfriend or no love in his life. Tch tch. So sad, no? :-p He is the perfect match for our Ms. Perfect who is leading a lonely life on the other side.

So they meet. They realize that bulbs glow and music plays (Mozhi effect) while seeing each other. They know it. He’s the one, She’s the one. And then what happens? They do it on the couch or the bed. They see each other often and have heated passionate trysts. Oh yes, that’s what they do! So pure, so much sacrosanct. Rue me for misunderstanding the entire thing. :-p Here are some excerpts. It took me so much self-control not to snort laughing as I read these lines.

“So thrilling, the way his mouth fit on hers, the way all those hard lines and planes of his body met and meshed so perfectly with the curves of hers.
Hot, voracious kisses lashed with tongue and teeth, the frantic strain of torso against torso with one thin layer of silk between dampening flesh. She rocked against him, sizzling, as those clever hands soothed, abraded, tormented her skin. She thought she might burn from the inside out and fumbled desperately at his waistband.

Then he cupped her, fingers streaking under silk, plunging inside velvet fire to drive her hard and
mercilessly over the edge. She came like a geyser, release spurting out of her, shooting out shock waves that made her nails bite viciously into his back.”

-          –  Daring to Dream, Nora Roberts

Holy Cow! What a romantic encounter. She came like a geyser – get that?! And the hard lines and planes of his body met with her curves. Whatte wow!

“..And finally, they lay naked in each other's arms and he forgot himself and all caution as they joinedand made love as her body hummed beneath his hands.”

–  Heartbeat, by Danielle Steel.

Her body hummed beneath his hands? What is she – some wind pipe or wind chimes?! How the hell does someone’s body hum? O.o

“Scorch’s tongue plundered her mouth, and Victoria moaned as he swept inside meeting her own. She gripped the fabric of his shirt within her fists needing him to take away the ache building inside her."

-         –  Alpha Bait, by Sam Crescent

“Emotions spiralled and tipped and careened, and she gasped when a thunderous explosion of feeling ended with a tumbling and rolling, glittering like colourful gems that had been tossed, helter-skelter, onto black velvet."

-         -  Close Proximity, Donna Clayton

Okay, I’m not saying much about the two descriptions above. Seems like a VERY HOT passionate chapter of their lives. Emotions spiralled and tipped and careened. They are really having wild sex having a good time, eh? :-p

Almost every book – at this point, narrates about the earth-shattering orgasms or the dull ache in her loins after their intense love-making or rolling across to look into each others’ eyes tenderly (In the dark, guys? Seriously?) soon after their passion-filled encounters.

All’s well that ends well. Add a couple of emotional dilemmas, some soul-stirring tragedy and some situational contingencies after their coup. The coupleget them sorted out and finally, they walk into the sunset, hand-in-hand. End of the story. Ah, what joy! *Wipes a non-existent tear from the eyes*

Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. That’s a womantic novel for you. I still remember how a few of us jointly gifted my friend Aarthi with a bunch of Nora Roberts books for her birthday two years ago. Little did we know what sort of a writer Nora Roberts was. But today, I look back to laugh and say that it’s an experience which taught me to never step into an aisle containing her books. :-D Such is the impact of these writers upon me. And you were wondering how I ripped these lines from each of these books listed above? It’s very simple! All I had to do was enter keywords like “passion” or “moans” or “kiss” and search those pdfs. And I could get whatever I’d put above. Quite easy, ain’t it? B)

Despite the predictability of the plot, the non-existent storyline, the impracticality and lack of logic, women seem drawn towards such tales of love and lust. The heck, these books are best-sellers too. Women like Nora Roberts and Danielle Steel make a living writing such reels of love. WHY does this happen?! It’s because, there’s an undiscovered soppy romantic inside each of us. She wants a magical element to satiate her wants and needs, to rescue her from her mundane life. She wants a guy to understand her without being spoken, to listen without the need for words, to empathize without the need for her to express her desires. She wishes that her life drew itself into such a happy ending where she walked into the oblivion, hand-in-hand with the man of her dreams. And that’s precisely the concoction that these authors brew. J

So there you have it, folks – Womanticism justified. :)

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